Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's always time for handjobs
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize