So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
