I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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