in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
where are my eyebrows?
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