Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
