His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
