dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
