soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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