Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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