i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
