They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
