I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
