im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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