you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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