you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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