yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
