What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
