I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
