but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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