My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
