i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
