whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
