evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
