Don't you send me to vm
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize