why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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