I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
