no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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