I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
