Hey man sorry I got all grabby
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
