Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
