Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
