dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
