he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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