Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
