I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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