I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
