sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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