dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
