I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize