"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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