I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
