I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
