the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
