Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sober January is a disaster.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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