take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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