I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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