I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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