omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Randomize
