Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
