You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
