i think i have two assholes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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