Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
