You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize