i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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