gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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