Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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