your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
