i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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