About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize