Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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