sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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