You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
