i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize