I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
