Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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