Can Purell be used as lube?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
