Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize