I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
