so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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