and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
