She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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