Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize