"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
