You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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