I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
