Can Purell be used as lube?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
