haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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